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30 Days of Truth


 This is where the idea came from for this blog.http://www.courtneykirkland.com/
It seems like something fun and little challenge at same time.The list of questions are below.I will try my best to give a answer to all of them.It a way for people to get to know you and for you to know others.Make sure if you join go to the page above to October 18, 2010 and add yourself for others to follow.
*Day 1:Something you hate about yourself.Hate is a very strong word many people don't like to use.I prefer to use the word dislike instead of hate.I can definitely say I dislike my hair on most days.I dislike my laziness at times.I dislike my procrastination on most things. 
*Day 2:Something you love about yourself.There are plenty of things to write about for this one.I love that im easy to get along with.I love my eyes never know what color they may be.Depends on the mood and the color clothing im wearing.They could be brownish yellow,green,greenish yellow,brown,greenish blue.I love that I am a fast learner at most things.I love that I enjoy helping others out when I can.I love that I get to spend my day working with children.Teaching them new things,watching them grow,being a good role model for them,teaching the team work and so on.I love that im a good friend.I love that people can trust me or ask me for anything and if I can give I will.I love that I can build strong friendship with people.I love that im honest and have nothing to hide.
*Day 3:Something you have to forgive yourself for.This is one thing I struggle with bad Forgiveness in general.God forgives us for all that we have done wrong to one another.I would have to go with the hurtful words I have said to my parents over the years.For not being there at my friends High School Graduation and 21st Birthday when she was at mine.Not saying I love you enough to the ones that I love.That is only things I can think of.
*Day 4:Something you have to forgive someone for.It is a such a simple word but so hard to do when you been hurt over and over.Getting hurt by your own parents is a hard thing to deal with.Some the things they do to tear your heart from being one piece to a million broken pieces.They were know for breaking promises.Like I said on Day 3 this is something I struggle on big time.Remind you I grew up in a broken home.Was it really a loving family under a roof?The way I seen it no.Was I taught how to LOVE by my parents?NO it was my grandmother that taught me how to love.If it was not my parents fighting it was my brother and I.It took me a while to forgive my mother for her drug problem.It broke a relationship that was very strong.The day they came and took my little brother and I is something I also had to forgive my mother for.It was Thanksgiving Day there was like 3 cops,DCF case work,and my farther.My other brother was at my grandmothers house already where my farther was staying at the time.By the choices my parents made my brothers and I bounce around to like 5 different houses for like a year.My father is still a working progress.There is so much pain in this one.There are details I rather not get into.There are plenty of promises he broke.
*Day 5:Something you hope to do in your life.I hope to own my own place one day and build memories that last a life time.I hope to have a family of my own some day.I hope to coach kids softball team one day.One day I hope to travel to places I never been to.
*Day 6:Something you hope you never have to do.Well we all hope and pray that we never have to say goodbye to our loved ones.When they sit there and suffer all you want is for them to be in much better place.Sometimes we just want to be in there place instead.When really it not goodbye you will see them again some day in Heaven.Death is not the easy thing to deal with.Most of us have been down that road with someone we love and very close to us.All we can due is be here for one another in time of need.As I have seen on most people blogs that are doing this.Saying goodbye to loved ones is what everyone writes about for day 6.I have had my far share of Deaths.97 my grandfather,00 my great grandmother,01 two friends of the family,05 my grandmother and her brother,06 baby cousin,07 my grandfather,step grandfather,and family friend that was like grandfather,09 a friend.There are some in between people as well but was not as close to them as these listed.The two that hit me the hardest was my grandmother and my friend.When I have children I hope I never have to tell them they have cancer.I hope I never have to make a call saying something bad has happen to someone I love.
*Day 7:Someone who has made your life worth living for.There are plenty of people that made my life living for.First off I have to Praise Jesus for providing me with a Blood Donor when I was just 3.It could have been the end there.I will have more info in today's blog.All my friends are amazing they have talked me out a lot of stupid things.In 05 when my grandmother passed I did not want to be here anymore.I just wanted to sit behind a car and hope they run me over.Then I over come that after talking things out with friends and what not.Then I just thought to myself wait there is a little boy that mean more to me than any other person in this world.That is my little brother well he is not so little any more.He is growing like a little weed but he is in that stage being 14.Friends always put a smile on my face and know what to do to cheer me up.My aunt has made huge impact on my life she has tough me a lot. She help raise me she help me grow into the person I am.She is an amazing women.She gave up lot to jump in and help raise my brothers and I.My mother drug problem  became worse.She hates her self to this day for what she done.But good thing is she been clean for like 7years.My dad drinking was big thing also that is why my aunt step in.He never been alone more than a month times.In them times I had to fill the mother duties taking care my little brother.I pretty much raised him taught him things for a year or so.While I was just 14 still in school still.I missed school at times to stay home with him.So many people don't see why im so protective over him.I would do anything and everything for him. 
*Day 8:Someone who made your life heck, or treated you like crap.Yes my childhood was not all that great.I played adult role at age 14.With what my parents did with there life has broken a family.While still trying to be kid watching my brother.It was hard trying to be a kid with a little brother only 4 that need attention.There are still things that go on till this day due to my parents issues.God gave me this life and has it all planed for me.There are times of trouble but I get through them with him.God is always there when you feel like there is no one else.
*Day 9:Someone you didn't want to let go,but just drifted.People come and go in and out of your life through out life time.I have a lot friends I was really close to when I was in High School but we have just drifted a part.With most them having a family now to take care of.I still talk to some here and there.There are a few friends I didn't want to let go but we have drifted apart.Mainly do to a path they took that I did not agree on.
*Day 10:Someone you need to let go, or wish you did't know.It hard for some people to make friends but not I.The ones that have came into my life are great blessing.I would not change it for the world.I love all people in my life some way.There is not one that comes to mind I wish I did not know or need to let go.
*Day 11: Something people seem to compliment you the most on.There is a 3 way tie on that one.People love my hair.I hate it on most days.I don't do much to it and people still love it.Another thing is my eyes.I love my eyes so do other people.They have a hint of yellow at times.Green or blue on most days.Sometimes light brownish yellow.All depends on the mood and what colors I am wearing.I wear flip flops 90% the time so then people see my star tattoo on top my left foot.So yeah on good day it may be combo of all three..*.
*Day 12: Something you never get compliments on.I find myself not getting many compliments on my clothes.Unless it something cute and not looking like I just got done playing ball or in my comfy clothes.That is about the only thing I can think of.It does not hurt my feeling that I don't get compliments
*Day 13:A band or artist that has gotten you through some tough days.It says to write a letter for some reason not going to write letter.Every time I though about my mom as teen I would listen to this song.Kellie Pickler-I Wonder.She lives in Texas and I don't get to see her that often living in Florida.Garth Brooks has set lot great memories so he always good one to listen to.Tough times friends always know what song to turn on.The crazy lyric battles we had on tough days just to get each other to laugh.Inside jokes with lots of songs.Addison Road is amazing there newest CD Stories.If you do not have it is well worth it.There are plenty more but I don't feel like thinking and being here all night so this is what it is for this day.
*Day 14: A hero that has let you down.Who is my hero? Jesus Christ is my Hero.Some of us say our parents are our hero.Yeah I looked up to them till I was old enough to see that they only let me down.Left huge gaps and things in my head that will not just go away.Jesus is the Way the Truth and the LIFE.
*Day 15: Something or someone you couldn't live without, because you've tried living without it.So yeah this is kind of crazy but we lived before people came into our life so I am sure we could live without them.There are plenty of other things we can live without but choose not to.Air,Water, and Food are the things we must have to live.Number one thing here is I have tried to live my life without Christ.Now that  I have him in my life it is amazing that is something I could not live without him.Well friends play big role in my life.People come and go in and out our life all the time.I lost total contact with one friend.Have not seen or heard from her in a few years then one day I was out shopping or something.Ran into her got her Email and number and started talking again.So now we have a really strong friendship.I love her to death and don't know what I would do without her.We are not the type to fight over stupid stuff.We support each other in all we do.Even if we may not agree on somethings but we still are there for one another.Music is something I love so that be hard one to give up.Computer and cell phone something I use daily couldn't live without it.Those are just few items I could be here all day putting things. 
*Day 16:Someone or something you definitely could live without.Well I know I can live without soda because it is no longer a problem I have.I am not addicted to it like I use to be. 
*Day 17:A book you've read that changed your views on something.I don't really read that often.The Bible is about the only thing I do read.That has changed views on lots of things.
*Day 18:Your views on gay marriage.Well it not something I approve of.At the same time they have the right to be happy.
*Day 19:What do you think of religion? Or what do you think of politics?One I am not big on politics what so ever.Religion is a word that can cause a debate.It is all about a relationship with Jesus Christ. 
*Day 20: Your view on drugs and alcohol. Most people that know me know this answer already.Topic drugs that is something I hate with passion.It destroy a few relationships with friends and family.Yes I still talk to my family but the trust has gone out the window with some.It is nothing like it used to be before there addiction.I don't see how people can do that to there body.It is something I will never touch I have seen first hand what it does.Alcohol well that is another thing I don't really care for as well.Growing up in the home I did I was around it enough.Did not want to be anything like my parents.In the Bible it says it ok to drink but not to get drunk.
Day 21: (scenario) Your best friend is in a car accident and you two got into a fight an hour before. What do you do? Thing is the ones I call my best friends we never get into fights. But say if we did I would drop what ever I am doing to be with them.I love my friends.  
Day 22: Something you wish you hadn't done in your life? The one thing I wish I would have never done is picked up smoking.I smoked for about year.
Day 23: Something you wish you had done in your life? I am still young and there are plenty of things I want to do in my life still.I guess I would have to go with the phrase I love you to the ones that mean the most to me.It is one thing I don't say often enough.
Day 24: Make a playlist to someone and explain why you chose the songs you did.My playlist is going out to my best friend Heather. My Kind Of Day-Sara Buxton (Slip into our fat jeans) I Don't Want Wait-Paula Cole (Dawson's Creek) Thank You For Being A Friend (Golden Girls) Anything Eminem.
Day 25: The reason you believe you are still alive today? God gave me a chance at life.I have to live by his word and do the best I can to stay in his will and what he has planned for me.
Day 26: Have you ever thought about giving up in life?Yes I have thought about it.I think there are many of us that hit a point. Where we think that nobody cares about us.That no one shows us love and attention we want.So we then act out and cause harm to our self and hurt other around us.My thoughts came around time my grandmother passed in 05.I just wanted to end my life then and there did not want to go on without her.But I know she would be very proud of me and is smiling down and watching over me.
Day 27: What's the best thing going for you right now? Well I can not say that there is just one best thing going for me.I have amazing friends and I love them to death.My health is pretty good considering my past history.I am very commited in my church that seems to be a good thing.
Day 28: What if you were pregnant or got someone pregnat, what would you do? Well I would like to be married before having any kids.But if it were to happen before then I am ready.If you know me you know I love kids.I would have to tell my friends and family.

Day 29: Something you hope to change about yourself. This one is hard not much I would like to change about myself. My attitude toward some things not to be so negative on some stuff. Not to blow up at all the pointless things. Not to stick myself in a position where I don't belong.
Day 30: A letter to yourslef telling everything you love about yourself. 
Dear Self, 
There is plenty to write on this subject about myself. I love my eyes you never know what color they may be. I love that I am a good listener and can dish out advice at times. I love that I get a long with just about anyone I meet.I love that I am a good friend and would do anything for them.I love that I care more about others than my own self.I love that I rather give than receive.I love that I am so involved with my church.I love that I am athletic.I love helping others any way I can. I love that I help with charity work.I love that I learned things at a young age.Day 1: Something you hate about yourself. 
Day 2: Something you love about yourself.
Day 3: Something you have to forgive yourself for.
Day 4: Something you have to forgive someone for.
Day 5: Something you hope to do in your life.
Day 6: Something you hope you never have to do.
Day 7: Someone who has made your life worth living for.
Day 8: Someone who made your life heck, or treated you like crap.
Day 9: Someone you didn’t want to let go, but just drifted.
Day 10: Someone you need to let go, or wish you didn’t know.
Day 11: Something people seem to compliment you the most on.
Day 12: Something you never get compliments on.
Day 13: A band or artist that has gotten you through some tough days. (write a letter.)
Day 14: A hero that has let you down. (letter)
Day 15: Something or someone you couldn’t live without, because you’ve tried living without it.
Day 16: Someone or something you definitely could live without.
Day 17: A book you’ve read that changed your views on something.
Day 18: Your views on gay marriage.
Day 19: What do you think of religion? Or what do you think of politics?
Day 20: Your views on drugs and alcohol.
Day 21: (scenario) Your best friend is in a car accident and you two got into a fight an hour before. What do you do?
Day 22: Something you wish you hadn’t done in your life.
Day 23: Something you wish you had done in your life.
Day 24: Make a playlist to someone, and explain why you chose all the songs. (Just post the titles and artists and letter)
Day 25: The reason you believe you’re still alive today.
Day 26: Have you ever thought about giving up on life? If so, when and why?
Day 27: What’s the best thing going for you right now?
Day 28: What if you were pregnant or got someone pregnant, what would you do?
Day 29: Something you hope to change about yourself. And why.
Day 30: A letter to yourself: tell yourself EVERYTHING you love about yourself.